Let’s not beat around the bush. I’m quitting blogging.
I started this blog in September 2017. I had been writing the odd review here and there on the goodreads dot com, and connected with a few book bloggers from there. I saw what they were doing, and thought I would give it a go myself. Really, I was just trying to fit in with all the cool kids. But I did also want to find other like minded bloggers, and discover new books to read – which has happened. I have connected with some wonderful people, and I have read a lot of books that I would not have known about if it wasn’t for the blogging atmosphere.
Blogging, on the whole, has been an enjoyable experience. But I have struggled with keeping motivated to blog over the last few months. I considered quitting back in September, but decided to push through and see if I can find that drive again. I can’t. It’s just not there now. There isn’t a single reason why I don’t want to blog anymore, it’s a combination of a few reasons. Including, but not limited to:
▪️ It’s no secret that I live with a number of mental health conditions. This is not a self-pitying situation, so please don’t take it like that. My poor mental health means I increasingly struggle to write a cohesive and insightful post, and I feel like I end up saying the same things over and over again for each review. I put a lot of pressure on myself to create entertaining reviews, with a light mood and intentional bad jokes throughout. It’s the style I was trying to create. But that is really difficult to do when I am not well. Sometimes I can fake it, but it feels dishonest, and I’m not overly comfortable with that.
▪️ I feel like I can’t read a book now without worrying about what I will say in the review. Because of my poor mental health, I forget details easily and so I have to keep a draft review open whilst reading a book so I can jot down bullet point notes as I go. As of late, this feels too much like a chore. I want to go back to reading for fun, and not having to worry about trying to spot the underlying messages or worry about saying something better than, ‘yeah it was good’. I want to be able to pick up a book and read a chapter on a whim. I can’t do that if I’m also reviewing it.
▪️ I’m a very shy individual, which may not be apparent when reading my posts, but it’s true. It means I’m finding it increasingly difficult to engage with other bloggers. Rambling about nonsense into a google doc and then copying and pasting it into wordpress is the easier part of blogging. Replying to comments and tweets is a whole different matter. That’s engaging with real people who will read my comments. That is something I am deeply uncomfortable with. I thought it might get easier with time, but it hasn’t. And that’s nothing on other bloggers, it’s something I own. It’s not you, it’s me!
▪️ My numbers have been plummeting recently. Although numbers and stats were never my primary reason for blogging, it is difficult to maintain motivation when hardly anyone is reading what I put up. Writing posts takes me a considerable amount of time, especially when my mind isn’t working too well. There have been occasions when I have spent 2-3 hours writing one post, and then hardly anyone reads it. Tags and round up posts do well (comparatively), but they were only ever intended to be supplements to the primary aim of sharing my thoughts on the books I read. I’m genuinely not bitter about this and I hope I am not coming across as such. I completely understand why my numbers are so poor. As stated above, I can’t do the engagement with others that is so vital in growing a blog. I don’t expect people to read and engage with me when I can’t give that back.
Because I’m a complete nerd, I keep some additional stats about my blog. The chart below shows the number of views each RMR post received within the first 4 weeks of it being published. In reality, the overwhelming majority of my blog posts stop receiving hits after just 3-4 days.
As you can see, I was able to grow the blog so that on average my posts received 100+ views. But over the past couple of months, my numbers plummeted, and now they barely scrape into the teens. It’s just a lot of work for almost nothing in return.
It’s important to recognise when a good story reaches its natural end, and Random Melon Reads has come to its natural end. As I’ve said, I’m really not bitter about anything, or having a sulk, or fishing for pity or compliments here, or anything like that. I completely understand why the blog is where it is, and I take full responsibility for that. I’m not angry that I don’t get many views and I have nothing against those that are continuing to grow and achieve blogging goals. Really, I love to read people’s blogs and I will continue to do so. I will continue to hit that like button when I read a post I’ve enjoyed. I’d love to be able to comment on those blogs, but as stated above, I can’t do that.
I’m not stopping reading. Quite the opposite. I will probably read more books now. I will continue to log what I read on Goodreads and I may possibly do the occasional mini review on there and on amazon when I feel like I have something to say. I will keep the Random Melon Reads twitter account, as I enjoy seeing what people tweet. But I will probably rebrand it as a more personal account.
This is not the last you have heard from me though. I have my year end summary post that will go live on either 31 Dec or the 01 Jan, but that will be the bittersweet end to Random Melon Reads.
Anyway, I’m off to cram in a few more reads before the year end. Until next time, Peace and Love.